Supernatural Season 8 In Limbo
by 3DBABE1999
Summary: Dean's in Purgatory. Sam's hallucinating again. Where is Cas? Full discription and WARNINGS inside. Please read and heed the WARNINGS as this story may contain offensive content.
1. Chapter 1

Supernatural

Possible Season 8 (Yeah I know kinda cliche but I hope you like my take on things)

WARNINGS: Spoilers for Season 7, Graphic adult content (hence M rating) such as: Insanity, Hallucinations, The use of Propofol (Yes I am aware that's what killed Michael Jackson and No I'm not making light of what happened to him but Propofol is used as an anistisea (and it's given to my son (who has Cancer) for things like Lumbar Puncters and Bone Marrow Aspirations so I know it's proper usage, just to let everyone know that I do know what I'm talking about when I mention it's usage in the story and yes I do give an accurate discription of it's effects.)) Other drugs such as anti-psychotics, Characters with, animalistic behaviors and thoughts of murder and/or suicide, gore (lots and lots of gore), rape, tourture, (stuff from both Sam and Dean's Hells mostly).. Just tack on warnings for everything just in case cause I still dont know where the story will go.

DISCLAIMER: Don't own anything from the Supernatural franchise but I'd love to be a writer for the show... Just saying.

Plotline: Okay here goes, Castiel just left Dean in Purgatory (How, why he left or where he went to remains unknown for the first few bits of the story but he comes back I promise) So Dean is all alone (for a while) and he has to fend for himself against everything that we saw surrounding him at the end of Season 7 (Sorry if you haven't seen the Season 7 Finale). Sam is all alone and he doesn't know where Dean is and the second Crowley disapeared from Richard Roman Enterprises Sam is left with hallucinations of Lucifer once more because the second Castiel went "poof" with Dean so did the "Whammy" Cas put on Sammy... (he he Whammy Sammy yes corny I know but I had to) This will go Chapter for Chapter switching back and forth between Dean and Sam at random because things might be happening simultainiously for both of them or you might be seeing Sam days after something's happened with Dean or vice versa... I'll try to keep the timeline clear and hopefully it won't be to hard to follow...

Characters: There will be some areas focusing souly on what's going on with Castiel as well but this is mostly a story about Sam and Dean. There'll also be some Garth, some Crowley, Some Alpha Vamp, Some characters from the past both living and dead popping up from time to time (You never know who I might bring back from the dead or what they'll be like when they return but I promise to stay as true to the nature of the show as possible) A few stunt demons, A few "Turduckin" people, Maybe a couple of OC's here and there just to round things out nicely. I have absolutely no idea how long the story will be and I'm thinking about making it interactive with little postings every so often of things like: If you want the story to go _. _. _. or _. way choose the Chapter titled _. _. _. or _. and so on or maybe if you want the story to go in the direction of options 1-4 then chose a number 1-4 post it in the review and I'll tally and see which one wins but I don't know yet it's a work in progress so we'll see how it goes. I know if this one doesn't become interactive then I will do one soon that is because I find the idea intriging.

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AS ALWAYS: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!


	2. Chapter 2

Opening Scene: Castiel has just poofed away and Dean is surrounded by groutesque shadowy figures and red glowing eyes. He's all alone and the creatures are closing in.

Chapter 1

"Truely Alone"

He was alone. Of course he was freakin alone. It's not like Castiel had ever really proven himself trustworthy.

He was pissed. But no time for that now because the sounds of snapping twigs pulls him back to the "Here and Now" where he's standing in the middle of a crowd of horrendous monsters that mean to rip him to shreds. He's unarmed and that just pisses him off even more. But of course he's used to not getting a fair fight when it comes to supernatural pieces of crap. More than half of the creatures he can't identify, partly because they're still nothing but shadowy figures hidden amoungst a backdrop of sgragaly trees and a yellow tinged sky and partly because well, he's hardly ever seen a creature in it's true form.

The ones he can identify are Hellhounds... What would a Hellhound be doing in Purgatory? Dean doesn't have time to be asking questions like that and he definitely doesn't have time to try to answer them.

All he can do is tense at the sounds of the creatures as they grow closer and ready himself for going down swinging.

There's a creature at the forefront of the group that looked liked some other sort of canine creature that Dean couldn't identify and it seemed to care less about caution than the rest. Perhaps that meant it was younger, more stupid. Because Dean for sure was no moron in the ways MOST animals hunt. If one thing attacked then it was likely that everything would attack and that meant there would be fighting for pecking order. He had one chance. One. To get out of this unharmed. Well reletively anyway.

He made a move to challenge the closest monster and just like he'd hoped the thing crouched low an then lunged for him it's jaws aiming straight for his throat. The second the creature's back feet left the ground all Hell or, Purgatory rather, broke lose. All the creatures made a move at once. Dean sidestepped the first airborn creature and ducked under the next one that had launched itself at him. Then he was jostled by the monsters as they landed in a heap in the middle of the circle (Where he was no longer standing thank "whoever", cause right now Dean thinks GOD is an asshole and he sure as heck isn't thanking HIM for anything). All the monsters now turned on each other with snarls and growls leaving Dean to get away.

As soon as he was clear of the writhing mass of creatures he bolted running for his life as he took in the fact that there were still several sets of the glowing red embers of monsterous eyes that hadn't been stupid enough to move with the first groop of monsters that had come at him and they running along side him through the trees moving in a well organized pattern like a pack that knew how to hunt together.

These were going to be a bit tougher to escape.

He had to think fast because he could hear the snapping of jaws as the creatures nipped at his legs like wolves after a deer would do. But whatever these monsters were they seemed to have the hunting methods of both wolves and lions because while the ones behind him nipped at his legs there were ones in front crouched low and stealthy ready to spring out and catch him.

He tried going through the trees at his right once he realized he was being driven into a trap but there were also monsters on both sides of him, spurring him the direction they wanted him to run.

It was hopeless.

The monsters lept from the treeline from in front of him and he was circled once more. He'd run himself till he was out of breath. Which aparently had been what they'd been wanting. One came forward out of the circle and the others held fast while the one sprung up at Dean.

Now that it was on top of him and he could get a good look at it he realized that it and it's kind were the Hellhounds he'd noticed earlier. Of course Hellhounds would be the better pack hunters in a place like this. But Dean couldn't think about anything beyond how much dying like this (again) sucked ass. Then he was in pain... LOTS of pain as he felt himself being ripped to shreds as the rest of the Hellhounds now moved in to share the feast his body would provide.

Dean watched as one of his arms was drug away and it was odd how he could actually still feel every part of himself being eaten, even the parts that were no longer attached. Then he came upon the sickening realization that his detached head was being drug away from the side of his own body. It wasn't till one of the Hellhounds started tearing away at his face that everything went black...

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He was alone and Crowley had taunted him with such before disapearing.

"I told you so Sammy." Said Lucifer wearing a proud grin on his face as he bounced up and down like an overexcited toddler that had just won a game of Candyland and the prize had been a truckload of real candy. "I told you so. I told you so. I told you so." Chanted Lucifer in a sing song voice as he now started skipping. Yes SKIPPING in a circle around Sam.

"Not real." Sam whispered to himself as he willed his body to move. And he just kept the thoughts in his mind repeating "Not real." as Lucifer skipped alongside him out to the parking lot and now the bastard was singing "You never left The Cage. You never left The Cage. You never left The Cage."

There was no one or no "thing" to stop him as he made his way out into the open.

There hadn't been any point for the Crowley or his minions to stick around now that Crowley had what he wanted and apparently he didn't view Sam as enough of a threat to attempt killing him when he'd had the chance. But Sam had an inkling that it was more than that. He was pretty sure that Crowley had let him live for the entertainment his suffering could give. And the rest of the Leviathan had probably scattered out to the far reaches of the globe now that they no longer had the structure of someone in charge so they weren't around to stop Sam either.

Sam made his way to the Impala. He would NEVER admit this to Dean but he loved this car just as much if not more than his big brother because the Impala had been the only real consistent home he'd ever known. Now Lucifer was making an "Awww" noise and he gave a gesture of wiping a tear from his eye as he said "Poor Sammy. Poor. Poor Sammy. Aw awone with no one to dry him wittle eyes."

Sam gave a sniffle as he realized he was crying and he had to keep the chant of "Not real" going in his mind to keep from shouting "SHUT UP!" at something that wasn't really there. Talking back to his hallucinations was how he'd messed up last time. Instead he focused on pushing the Impala backwards until she was clear of the sign that Meg had driven her into. Once The Impala cleared all the debri of broken glass Sam took in the damage done to her. Her front end was wrecked pretty bad which meant she probably wouldn't start and that meant Sam was going to have to boost a tow truck or something to get her out of here, he'd get her back to Rufus's cabin so that Dean could fix her when he got back.

That gave Sam pause. He had no idea where Dean was let alone how to get him back. What if it was someplace awful? What if Dean was suffering horrificly right now? Sam shuddered at the idea that Dean could be hurt. But Cas was with him and Cas wouldn't let anything bad happen to Dean. At least that's what Sam was hoping to be the case.

He had to think about one thing at a time well two things but one didn't count because he had no choice but to keep telling himself that Lucifer wasn't really there or else he would crack. And then what good would he be to Dean?

Sam had to leave the Impala for a moment so he could find a vehicle strong enough to pull her.

It wasn't hard to find anything he wanted in terms of a vehicle. Heck he could have boosted a Mercedes right off the lot if he wanted as all the people seemed to effected by the crap that was in the food that made people so stoned they didn't care to do anything but eat, drink and be lazy.

He picked a four wheel drive S.U.V. that was just the kind of sturdy he'd be needing and it was a hybrid so that meant it had really good gas mileage. He loaded the S.U.V. with all the supplies he'd need for a few weeks and soon he had the Impala on a trailer he'd stolen from the lot of a home improvement store and he was pulling her out towards Rufus's cabin while ignoring Lucifer's mockery the entire way.

When he got to the cabin he made sure the Impala was sheltered then he unloaded all the supplies he'd gotten. He spent the rest of the evening hauling crates full of books from the basement. He had a lot of research to do if he was going to get Dean home...

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I do my best not to give Spoilers to my own story BUT...Obviously Dean's not staying dead... PLEASE REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3

Supernatural Season 8 "In Limbo"

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"The burdens of the strong."

Dean's eyes snapped open. He distinctly remembered that he'd watched himself get torn to pieces so he was surprised beyond comprehension when his hand complied to the instinct to clutch his throbbing head and then there was the surprise again that he even had a hand to use let alone the ability to use it. Even more surprise hit when his knee bent and drew his leg inward and the fact that he had a leg was just more surprise to pile onto the ever mounting pile of surprises. Now he was sitting up and nspecting himself. He appeared uninjured, in fact aside from a building hunger and thirst that was developing, he felt inexplicably good for someone who had just been used as a chew toy.

As he stood he could feel the eyes and hear the movements of the creatures around him. It seemed the monsters here would never take a break from trying to take a bite out of him and he knew now running wouldn't matter. He had no choice but to try to defend himself with nothing but his bare hands as best as possible.

Dean picked a creature that looked like it had a few good soft spots to use to his advantage and went for it. He wrestled the monster to the ground and performed a few good grapple moves to hold it in place as he clawed at the soft spot under the creature's jaw and ripped out the creature's throat.

All the other shadowy figures and red glowing eyes seemed to back off as the creature lay bleeding out and the hunger that had been building in Dean started to overwhelm him and the smell of the now dead creature was the most delicious scent he'd ever taken in. Suddenly he felt ravenous and started torip the monster up with his hands and eat it piece by piece. When Dean had his fill he took the monster's blood and smeared it all over himself to cover his scent and he took pieces of the creature's hide and wrapped it over his forearms and ankles for better protection against the things that were surely going to be springing out at him next. He took the rest of the hide and draped it over his shoulders to block out the constant chill that never seemed to leave the air in this place.

The creatures that had momentarily shown caution and backed away now grew bolder and tried to creep back towards Dean once he no longer cared for the carcaus at his feet but they didn't seem to care about him only the meal the fresh kill would provide and Dean let them take it because he couldn't handle that many monsters on his own.

Dean knew he was in a wild plain of existence now and knew he had to do whatever it might take to survive here because dying wasn't something he wanted to experience again and he felt he owed it to Sam to try to get out of this place in one piece, so he moved slowly away from the now feasting monsters and once he was out of their eyesight he quickened his pace wanting to get as far as he could from the ever present shadows and glowing eyes. But no matter where he went or how fast he moved there was always something ready and waiting for him to slow down, to let down his guard, ready for any show of weakness they could use to take him down...

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Sam had spent four sleepless days pouring over books and as he thumbed through the last of the fifth hundred book to come out of the crates and found even more nothing than than he had already he wanted to start throwing things.

Since most of the world's population was infected by the stuff the Leviathans had laced the majority of the world's food supply with communications had been down and he was really missing the internet in this moment because he had no idea where to start, let alone how. He also missed the fact that he couldn't call anyone becuase he was sure that either Garth or Jody Mills would be happy to help him and having another person around would help keep him sane.

But as it was, he was alone and Lucifer was having a field day with all the taunts. But that wasn't all Sam was seeing and hearing now. Now he was starting to see little two inch tall imp like creatures swarming all over the floor and a few times he wanted to bat them away as he watched them climb up his legs but instead he told himself they weren't real and even when one climbed right up to his face he stayed stoic.

It made Sam start to get angry and hateful towards what he was seeing and since he'd been days without sleeping or eating he was starting to lose his mind again and without realizing it he started shouting at his hallucinations things like " GO AWAY!, LEAVE ME ALONE!, YOU"RE NOT REAL!, DON'T SAY THAT, DEAN PROMISED I WASN'T THERE ANYMORE! HE PROMISED THAT HE GOT ME OUT!, YOU'RE ONLY TRYING TO KEEP ME FROM FINDING DEAN!"

On the sixth day Sam knew he had to do something before he was swallowed completely by the void of insanity so he cut himself on the back of his forearm, long and deep to remind himself that pain in Hell was different than the pain in Life. He pressed his fingers into the wound and the hallucinations disapeared.

Sam stitched himself up but didn't bandage it as he needed it open to him if the hallucinations came back.

First he knew he needed to eat and get himself hydrated or he wasn't going to last much longer, then he'd have to find a way to make himself sleep. So he ate a quick lite meal and drank a bottle of water then headed out to the closest hospital he could find. He knew that last time things like tranquilizers and sedatives hadn't done the trick so he knew he needed something stronger like anestisia but he knew he needed to be careful with things like that. So he went with a syringe based anistisia called Propofol that he could measure out to just enough to get himself under every couple of nights so he could get enough sleep to stay relatively rested and hoped that he could stay lucid enough to not end up overdosing.

When he got home Sam set up all of the supplies and books he'd gotten while he was out and climbed into bed. He put a Heplock in his arm, set up an I.V. drip bag of Saline then he got the I.V. in and pulled a syringe from it's wrapper, plunged it into a vile of Propofol. Now was the moment of truth. He made sure to measure out the proper dosage for his weight and laid back as he knew this stuff should knock him unconscious the second it hit his blood stream and just like he'd hoped he didn't even get half of the syringe into the I.V. before passing out.

When he woke up he felt groggy and lethargic and found it was a good thing he'd thought of grabbing some stimulants to wake himself up with. Once he was able to get up and around he set his watch to go off at eight in the morning, noon, and seven at night to remind himself to eat and to go off at nine p.m. every three nights so that he'd know it was time to go to sleep again.

After two weeks Sam started to be able to work through the drug induced fog he kept himself under and he managed to actually get some headway despite the fact that hallucinations wouldn't go away. But after another two weeks the hallucinations became even worse and now Sam was seeing all the people who's deaths he felt resposible for. He saw his mother, his father, Dean, Adam, Jessica, Maddison, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Ash, Jake, Ava, Max, Weber, Andrew and so many others all blaming their suffering and their deaths on the fact that he existed and that made him sorrowful and disrtacted from doing what he could to get Dean home and distracted him from doing the things he needed to take care of himself.

Eating and sleeping soon fell by the wayside along with bathing or keeping his new cuts from getting infected. Within days he had a fever and maybe that boiled his brain into a moment of lucidity or he found a way to claw his way out of the chaos in his mind on his own, but whatever it was he started trying again.

He found a ritual that could bring Dean back to him. All he needed was to recite the spell, the blood of someone who loved Dean and an object that proved that love...

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PLEASE REVIEW! The next chapter is gonna have lot's of crying!


	4. Chapter 4

Supernatural Season 8 "In Limbo"

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A/N: Poor Sam and Dean they're both having such a rough time... Dean's stuck in Purgatory and having to fend for himself and Sam is slowly and steadily losing his mind as the hallucinations wax and wane in intensity and severity... Who knows whats gonna happen next?

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"Object of affection."

Dean doesn't know how long it's been. There's no way to measure time in Purgatiory as the sun never fully rises nor sets and it keeps the sky cast in a dirty yellow hue that's covered with all of the darkened ash of all the fires that burn there. But sometimes it feels like forever spans in the blink of an eye while other times it seems that every thing that happens speeds by quicker than an eye can blink. All of the lagging and quicking paces in time is enough to keep Dean guessing and all he can do is guess by how long it feels it's been and that's about two years.

Dean's counted each moment in Purgatory as multiple different learning experiences and he plans to use the knowledges he's gained to his advantage the second he gets back to the land of mortal men and he does plan on getting back. He's been searching for a way out of this place and has come across rifts torn between Purgatory and Hell, but as bad as Purgatory is, Hell is definitly still worse and Dean's not stupid enough to risk trying to get back to the land of the living this way. So he spends most of his time trying to find a rift that tears between Purgatory and Earth but so far he's found nothing.

What time he's not looking for a way out he's fighting for his life, which he knows will come back to him if he loses. But ever since he'd died that first time he'd been feeling different, off, in ways he couldn't explain and he was afraid that if he died to many more times he would eventually lose his humanity and all the things that made him, him so he kept fighting because he wasn't going back to Sam any less himself than he already was. And Dean wasn't going to leave his brother out in the world, that he's sure has gone to Hell in a handbasket, all alone. So dying again wasn't an option...

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Sam had a hard time keeping himself lucid enough to get the things he needed to work the spell together. It was complicated magic to begin with, even for someone who wasn't half out of their mind. There were herbs and powders that needed to be set on fire as he chanted the spell and added his blood to the flaming mix. But one of the hardest things had been getting an object that proved his love for Dean or was it an object that proved Dean's love for him? That part of the ritual he'd had trouble translating and then wait... Maybe it translated to an object that Dean showed his love to? All of the jumbled thoughts kept Sam confused although Sam was certain he'd translated it right the first time and that it was supposed to be an object that proved his love for Dean.

His first thought on that matter was "Where am I gonna get something like that?" of course Lucifer taunted Sam with: "Nowhere, your love isn't worth anything to Dean anymore."

"SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT DEAN!" Sam shouted.

Now Lucifer taunted "Oh really? I know he's thrown away your love like it menat nothing a few hundred times over. Because he doesn't have faith in you, he doesn't love you. How could he? Sam you're a monster. Even Dean has said that himself and here you are hoping your love can bring him back to you. What if he doesn't want to come back to you? What if he's happy to finally be free of you? How can your love bring him back if it's always been worthless?"

"I SAID **SHUT... UP**! Sam screamed as he threw a glass across the room to see it go through Lucifer and smash into a thousand pieces against the wall.

Sam hit himself in the head with the heal off his hand muttering "Go away... Not real... Not real... Have to find Dean... He'll fix it... It'll be okay if I can just get him back."

Sam tried to focus on going through all of his and Dean's belongings trying to find an object that proved his love for Dean and as he opened a side pocket on Dean's duffle and found an old crumpled up piece of newspaper, it hit him. Worthless...

He remembered now... Dean throwing away the one object that Sam had ever given him that had actually shown Dean that Sam loved him. Dean had thrown it away like it and Sam's love had never meant anything. Maybe Lucifer was telling the truth...

Sam cried hard at the thought that his love didn't matter to Dean and it hurt as he remembered what a burden he'd been to his big brother. Maybe the only reason Dean had ever done anything for him was because he felt it was his mandatory obligation of being a big brother, after all their father had drilled "Take care of Sammy" into Dean's head from the time Dean was four.

And now Sam thought "Maybe obligation was all there was for Dean. Maybe Dean had never felt true affection for me. Maybe Dean's never thought my love was worth anything and he'd had the last straw when I finally proved him right. Even Heaven knows I don't deserve anything good. I don't deserve Dean. I don't deserve to be loved. I don't deserve to be saved. I don't deserve to exist."

It was times like this that Lucifer layed it on real thick saying things like "Told you Sammy, you never left the cage. You know that even an eternity in The Cage doesn't come close to punishing you for what you've done, for what you are. So, why are you fighting the fact that you're still in Hell with me?... I'll tell you what. Why don't we end this? I told you before what you have to do if you want to skip to the last page of the book." Now Lucifer gestured to Sam's field stripped pistol that lay on the table and then made a gesture to his head and pretended to shoot himself.

"No." Sam muttered. "I'm not that stupid yet."

"No, but you are that crazy." Lucifer taunted. "Come on Sammy. You can't possibly want to live like this! Even the devil himself has the decency to want you to end this." Now Lucifer almost sounded genuinely sympathetic.

"Okay, if I'm still in Hell and even you think it's more humane to put an end to this then just end it your OWN DAMN SELF! Sam growled.

"Sammy, you're to far gone for me to do that, I can't just rip away the curtain, you have to accept that you're still in Hell and end this yourself." Said Lucifer and he sounded heartfelt and honest like he was trying to protect Sam from himself. But Sam was no fool as he retorted "That's what I thought. You CAN'T end anything. Because there isn't anything for YOU to end. Because you're not real, I'm not in The Cage and you're just trying to distract me from trying to find Dean."

"If I'm really in your mind then you're trying to distract yourself from finding Dean... Maybe it's because you're afraid to find out big brother really doesn't love you? Maybe you're afraid he'll see what's happened to you and abandon you becuase you're pathetic and don't deserve him and you're no good to him like this so he'll have no reason to keep you around." Now Lucifer was back to full on taunt mode and Sam started hitting his head again. He didn't know what point he'd ended up in the floor or when he'd drawn his knees to his chest and started crying or rocking, but that's how Sam found himself moments later as he fought for a lucid moment.

Cutting himself had stopped working about two months ago and sleep was always interupted with nightmares even if that sleep had been drug induced. Ways to grab the last strands of his sanity were becoming fewer and farther between but when he felt a lucid moment flit by he grabbed onto it and held tight because it might be his last chance to do something to get Dean back.

Sam went out to where the Impala was parked and hoped Dean would forgive him as he ripped away the fabric on the side of the driver's side seat and pulled out The Amulet that he'd given to Dean so many Christmases ago. And he hoped beyond hope that his love for Dean wasn't really worthless...

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As always PLEASE REVIEW! Even more crying and I mean sobbing in the next chapter. Poor Sammy.


	5. Chapter 5

Supernatural Season 8 "In Limbo"

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A/N: I know I messed up last chapter I was half asleep when I wrote it I went back and fixed it if you don't want to go back and reread it, it meant to say: Sam went out to where the Impala was parked and hoped Dean would forgive him as he ripped open the fabric on the side of the driver's side seat and pulled out The Amulet that he'd given to Dean so many Christmases ago. And he hoped beyond hope that his love for Dean wasn't really worthless... (So sorry about the mess up. Somewhere in my half asleep brain I was thinking The Impala had bucket seats or something to that effect... I don't know what I was thinking honestly, I guess that's what I get for writing when I've only had two hours of sleep!)

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"Surprises"

Sam gathered the herbs, mixed them in a pewter bowl and set them on fire. He then added his blood to the flaming mix, clutched The Amulet tight in his unijured hand and chanted the spell.

He felt the atmosphere shift and Lucifer stared making remarks like: "Oh, Sammy's got something cooking now! He's got a real nice fish on the end of his line! Whatchya gonna do when you real it in? Huh Sammy? You gonna skin it alive maybe? Your an abomination Sam... A monster, the only thing your blood is gonna bring is monsters. Why don't you just put out that fire and do what you have to, to put yourself out of your misery? Aren't you even a little curious about what I have planned next? Oh, trust me Sammy it's a doozy! So hurry up and get this over with because I can't wait to show you!"

Sam did his best to ignore Lucifer as he chanted the spell but whatever had been building in the atmosphere had disapated and Sam was still alone. Well mostly.

Now Lucifer taunted again: "Knew it wouldn't work, let's count the reasons why... Hmmm... One: Could be you NEVER left The Cage or you did leave The Cage and you've just gone so far off the reservation you can't do a simple spell right. Two: Maybe it didn't work cause you never left The Cage and if I'm honest with myself I'd admit I'm still having a bit off fun watching you run around like a chicken with it's head cut off or you did leave The Cage and your love for Dean isn't worth jack squat. Ooh and three:.."

"SHUT UP!" Sam screamed and now he went on a tirade of throwing things at Lucifer as he broke down sobbing and finally gave into shuddering as what was left of his sanity finally fled and he started muttering and hitting himself in the side of the head with the heel of his injured hand and still clutched The Amulet in a tight fist with the other.

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Dean ran as fast as he could as the giant humaniod with one hundred arms chased after him. He'd made the mistake of thinking the thing was a hill and trying to climb it and now he was paying the price for waking it up.

Whatever this creature was it had more than a slight height advantage on Dean and he found that it only had to take a couple of steps to catch him. It was like getting chased by a skyscraper, there was just no way to escape and soon Dean found himself having the life squeezed from him as the giant wrapped one huge strong hand around him and his last thought before oblivion claimed him was "If this thing says: "Fe fi fo fome" I might piss myself from laughing so hard." because it was kind of hard to be afraid of something that looked so ridiculous even if it was over a hundre feet tall.

As Dean woke up, the first thing he realized he hadn't died only passed out, which was weird because in Purgatory there had never been any passing out only feeling himself getting ripped to shreds until he no longer had eyes to witness it with. Any other time he sustained an injury the injury had remained and he'd been sure it would've stayed that way until he died again, he'd just never been wiling to test the theory as keeping his humanity was more important than letting himself die so that a few broken bones MIGHT get healed when he came back to life. The second thing he realized was that instead of rough, jagged ground, he was lying on a smooth, flat, wooden surface. And instead of hearing the crunching of underbrush and the sounds of creatures closing in on him, he heard the muted sound of someone crying...

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The fourth thing Dean realized was, that he was in a LOT of pain, that giant had probably broken (if not crushed) a few (if not all) of his ribs. Yet he still managed to get his legs under him and come to a stand because he knew that it wasn't wise to stay down when there were monsters just out of eyeshot waiting to maul him. As he stood the fifth thing he realized was that he recognized the place he was in. He hadn't seen it in what felt like forever, but he knew automatically where he was. He was back...

He didn't know or at the moment, care, how. All that mattered was he was back and he had to find Sam...

The second he thought of Sam was when he noticed the huddled mass that sat crying, muttering and rocking in the corner of the room and that's the sixth thing Dean realized. Sam was right there and he didn't look so good...

On instinct Dean was at Sam's side in a blink. He reached out to comfort his little brother only to have Sam's head snap up before he could touch him.

"Isn't using Dean starting to get a little old for you?" Sam asked Lucifer who stood in the corner on the oposite side of the room and Lucifer replied "I don't know it's kinda fun watching you think Dean's seeing you all broken like like this, the humiliation you feel each time, it's kinda hysterical."

Dean realized Sam had spoken AROUND him to something he couldn't see and all Dean could think was "Not this again." as he took in the sight of his little brother. Sam had a "Grizzly Adams" beard, had lost a lot of weight and he smelled like he hadn't been bathing and quite possibly maybe even had used the bathroom in his pants a few times as he smelled like raw sewage and Dean knew right then that Sam had really lost his mind this time.

~0~ ~0~

Sam sighed and looked straight at the new Dean in front of him, this Dean was thin and all bruised up, looked to be in need of some medical care which could be entirely feasable depending on where Dean had been. Sam had to shake himself out of it and remind himself that this Dean wasn't actually here but the concerned look on this one's face was the best one his fried brain had ever managed and it was almost passable for real.

"I have to find my brother and I'm not gonna let these games you're playing with my mind keep distracting me." Sam stated calmly and Lucifer only taunted "You can't find Dean because you're in The Cage Sam. Just stop fighting it, pick up your gun and empty it into your skull."

Sam walked over to where his gun lay. It worried him slightly when he realized he didn't remember ever reassembling it and it chilled him to find it loaded with only one round. He threw the gun across the room at Lucifer screaming "JUST END THIS YOURSELF, YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! OH RIGHT, I FORGOT, YOU'RE **NOT REAL**_! YOU WANNA TELL ME YOU'RE REAL!... FINE!... WANNA TELL ME I NEVER LEFT THE CAGE!... FINE!... BUT THE ONE THING YOU CAN'T DO IS _**PROVE**** IT **AND END IT YOURSELF_! SO UNTIL _**YOU**_ DECIDE TO PULL THE TRIGGER ON ME AND END THIS, ME, YOU AND ALL THE LITTLE TORTURES YOU COOK UP FOR ME TO EXPERIENCE ARE GONNA JUST STAY STUCK HERE AND UNTIL YOU CAN PROVE TO ME THAT I'M STILL REALLY IN THE CAGE, I'M GONNA TRUST WHAT DEAN TOLD ME, I'M GONNA TRUST THAT I'M REALLY OUT AND TRUST THAT WHAT'S HAPPENED SINCE I'VE BEEN OUT IS REAL! SO_** STOP**_ TRYING TO DISTRACT ME FROM FINDING HIM!" _

_Dean cringed as he watched Sam lose it. Then his heart almost stopped when he saw Sam pick up the gun. He listened as Sam ranted at the invisible person he could only assume was Lucifer and actually felt proud at how Sam told him off. _

_Dean tried to find a delicate way to approach Sam and found he was grasping at straws. He'd never been good at being sensitive, that had always been Sam's thing. So he did the best he could as he kept his hoarse and gravely tone as soothing as possible as he whispered "You did find me Sammy. I'm right here." _

_Sam shrugged and yelled at the corner again "You just can't give up, can you? NO! Of course not. Go on then. Rub my nose in it. Tell me how my love for Dean is worthless. How my love means nothing to him. Go on. TELL ME!" Now Sam rounded on Dean continuing to yell "GO ON! CALL ME A MONSTER! TELL ME MY LOVE IS WORTHLESS! WHY DON'T YOU THROW THIS AWAY AGAIN WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!" Sam threw The Amulet at Dean and the fact it didn't go through Dean didn't even register._

_Dean caught The Amulet and looked down a it awestruck. "Sam I never should have called you that..." Dean started to say but Sam interupted with "No Dean was right, I'm a monster. Been a monster since I drew my first breath. I just wish.."_

_Now it was Dean's turn to interupt "Don't say that Sam. I was wrong. I was wrong to say those things, to throw this away." as he held up The Amulet._

_"He was right to throw it away. It and my love are worthless. Even Heaven knows I don't deserve anything good, knows I don't deserve for Dean to love me, knows I don't deserve for my love to mean anything to Dean. That's why I didn't get to relive any good memories in Heaven. Heaven knew I'm evil, knew that I didn't deserve Dean, knew it had to drive him away from me. All I want is to bring him back, make sure he's okay, then I'll leave I promise. I know better than to try to fix things now. I know better than to want my love to be worth something to him. So please just leave me alone so I can find him."_

_Now Sam turned to the corner, yelled for someone to shut up and started hitting himself in the head muttering "Even when I promise to end this you can't leave me alone... I just want my briother back. Can't you give me a minute's peace so I can bring him home? Just give me that one thing and... And I'll end it. It'll be game over... I'll do it. It's just turning to last page of the book right?"_

_Dean swallowed the lump in his throat as he said "No Sam. No you can't possibly be thinking about letting this crap in your head win. You have to fight it I know you're strong enough to fight it."_

_"I hate to admit it and I could never tell the real Dean this, but here it goes. I'm weak. There I said it, It's humiliating to think my brother could come back and find me like this." Said Sam as he gestured to himself and continued with "But he won't come back. I'll never get him back because the spell requires the blood of someone who loves Dean and an object that proves that love and since my love is worthless it didn't work and I can't think of anyone else because everyone who's ever loved Dean either can't remember him or they're dead, because I killed them. I murdered almost everyone who's ever cared about my brother and the ones I didn't kill, Dean had to make them forget his existence because of the danger _**I**_ had brough to their lives. I ruined Dean's life and all the chances he had of coming home."_

_"Sam, you did bring me home, whatever you did. It really worked and I'm really here and I really need you to believe me." Dean pleaded._

_Sam was crying again as he clutched his left temple and hit himself upside the head, then he held out his hand and said "Give it back. It's not your's it belongs to Dean. It belongs to my brother. I gave it to him and you have no right to touch it."_

_Dean dropped The Amulet and Sam picked it up holding it to his chest as he started to bawl grievously. Dean felt as if his heart had just been ripped right out. Sam didn't think he was real. Didn't know his love meant everything to Dean..._

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_"_Okay... SO... What do you think so far? Is it good... Bad, in between? I haven't got ANY reviews on this yet and I'd really like to know what people think of my take on things or what direction readers would like to see this go... I need input! So PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW!


	6. Chapter 6

Supernatural Season 8 "In Limbo"

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A/N: So I'm getting a lot of hits and views ... BUT no reviews... What gives? I need to know if readers like this or not and I need to know what people think about my ideas... Is there to much or not enough of "crazy Sam"? Do the things Sam's halucinating in this story fit well with the show? (I think it fits well with how REAL mental illness works, but I need to know what viewers of the show and readers of this story think) (P.S. I don't think Sam is really mentally ill although he's never really been the picture of mental health as he has kind of been seeing things that weren't really there since Season 1 ... For example: in Season 1 at the end of Episode 5 "Bloody Mary" Sam saw Jessica on the side of the road. Then there's the whole premonition dreams thing he had going on (something like that would drive most people straight off the deep end) Then in Season 2 Episode 9 "Croatoan" that one chick tried to infect Sam with the virus but Sam "seemed" immune as who knbows whether or not it didn't effect him somehow? (I believe that even though his blood appeared "normal" and uneffected by the virus that the Croatoan virus did effect Sam and I believe that this episode is the real beginning of Sam's uncontrollable anger issues and his downward spiral towards demon blood addiction.. So it's quite possible that crap is still effecting him and it may be a factor to what happened to his mind after the wall broke.) another example is when Sam was detoxing from the demon blood in Bobby's panic room Sam saw all kinds of freaky crap and some of it might have been caused by the blood but some of it just might have been caused by something that was already wrong with Sam's mind. One last thing is I don't think Sam's physcic abilities are really gone just dormant... Something bent that spoon in Season 7 Episode 7 "The Mentalist" as I know I watched the spoon go from straight to bent after Sam merely looked at it (and the guy who claimed he was a spoonbender was a fake and the spooon was still straight AFTER he left so it WAS NOT the spoonbender guy (I honestly believe it was Sam and if Sam's physcic abilities ARE still in play then ... Who knows what kind of number that could have done (could still do) to Sam's mind?) Just some food for thought...)

* * *

"Losing grip on reality."

Sam picked The Amulet off the floor and held it to his chest and began to cry as he realized he had failed to find Dean, failed to bring Dean home. He started to mourn his loss as he realized he would never see his big brother again.

Sam started to clutch at his left temple again as he held The Amulet tight with his other hand and slid back down it the corner to curl in on himself as he started to mutter and rock again occaisionally hitting himself in the left temple with the heel of his hand.

Dean was profoundly disturbed by the state his brother was in and not caring for the medical attention his own mind and body needed he went through the cabin removing all things Sam could try to hurt himself with because he couldn't handle another heart stopping moment like the one he'd had earlier when Sam picked up the gun.

Once all the dangerous items were out of Sam's reach Dean went over to Sam and reached down to pull him to a stand, but Sam only pulled away and gave a small frightened wimper that broke Dean's heart. So Dean went down to Sam's level keeping his hands to where Sam could see them and whispered "I just want to help okay?"

"YOU'RE NOT REAL!" Sam violently screamed "I'm going to find my brother, you can't stop me!"

Now Sam was muttering again "I just want him back, I just want my brother back!" Sam started to bawl again as he chocked out "I want Dean!"

"Okay... We'll find Dean." Dean stated calmly.

Sam gave Dean a confused look as Dean said "I want to help you find him."

Sam shook his head like he couldn't have possibly heard right and he shot a glare at the corner where Lucifer stood and growled "What kind of new trick is this?... Make me think that the crap you're making me see suddenly wants to be nice?... What you gonna do huh? Make him my best buddy until he convinces me to put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger?"

Dean didn't know how Sam's hallucination answered and he didn't want to know, but if he was going to get his little brother back he knew he had to use everything he knew about mental illness to his advantage, which honestly wasn't a lot, but he had to try or he was going to lose Sam. So, he took a deep calming breath and said soothingly "I'm the part of yourself that wants you to find Dean." He knew he was taking a huge risk by playing himself off as a part of his little brother's pshyce but Dean had faith that he knew enough about Sam and about how his little brother's mind worked to pull it off and make Sam listen to him.

"If you're a part of me..." Sam gestured to his self "Then WHY do you look like a Dean that's been through Hell? "

Dean hadn't been expecting that one and flew by the seat of his pants with "Because you need Dean, but the only way your going to get him back is to listen to the part of yourself that wants you to find him and since you know you'll listen to Dean, you see Dean and I look like Hell because you're afraid he's hurt and this gives you a visual to feed that sense of urgency that will ground you and make you focus on listening to me and ignoring whatever Lucifer is throwing at you."

Sam looked at the Dean that stood before him. It was entirely feasable to him that if there was a part of his mind that was conjuring bad things that there might be a part of his mind that could fight back and make him see good things, a part of his mind that would want to give him a reason to live, a reason to fight the growing insanity.

"Okay." Sam said. "If you're here to help. What should I do now?"

"You should take care of yourself. You know, take a bath, eat something maybe get some sleep before you burn yourself out because you're no good to Dean if you kill over before you find him." Dean replied feeling wierded out about how he was continuously reffering to himself in the third person.

Sam shrugged and brought himself to a stand saying "Okay. Yeah, that's... I think that's a good idea."

Dean felt relief wash over him as Sam headed for the bathroom. He felt like he was starting to get through to Sam. Now if only he could make Sam understand that he's not a hallucination...

Once Sam was cleaned up, fed and asleep Dean started tending to his own injuries as he knew that if something happened to him then Sam would be left alone to the tortures of his deteriating sanity. Then he started to do some research of his own. First he looked over the ritual Sam had performed to get him home and found that even though his little brother was nuts he wasn't stupid because translating it was complicated enough and the magic was some high level stuff that would take someone who knew what they were doing to be performed acurately and this gave Dean hope that Sam wasn't as far gone as he seemed. Second Dean looked through every book he could manage trying to find out everything he could about normal mental illnesses and mental illnesses that were caused by supernatural occurances.

When Dean woke up he found his face stuck to the pages of the book he'd last been reading... Then he heard a noise and realized what had woken him... Sam was having a nightmare, instinctively Dean was at Sam's side, but the second he touched Sam all hell broke lose.

Sam bolted awake with a wild panic lingering in his eyes as Dean tried to sooth him. Now Sam shot to the other side of the room and screamed "How did you touch me?!"

Dean wanted to slap himself upside the head because he realized Sam still thought he wasn't real, so he lied saying "I'm a part of you Sam." Well it wasn't entirely a lie.

"The other things I've been seeing can't touch me." Sam stated.

"The things you're seeing aren't a part of you the way I am, they're just your mind's way of filtering what happened in The Cage." Said Dean and he hoped he was right.

Sam nodded and seemed to accept what Dean was saying.

Now Dean knew he had an opening to find out what exactly Sam and been dealing with and he knew he needed to take it as he said "You know if you talk about The Cage, what you're seeing now that you're out and how all of that makes you feel out loud it might help make you see the hallucinations less?"

He knew then that Sam would believe he was a part of his own psyche because "real" Dean hardly ever wanted to talk about feelings but it was a necessary evil as Dean needed to hear it no matter how hard it would be.

"WIth who?, You?, You're not even really here so what good's it gonna do?" Sam asked.

"It gets it off your chest without the embarassment." Said Dean.

Sam shrugged and nodded as he said "I really am losing grip on reality. Where should I start?"

"Try starting with what you're seeing. I'm here to listen and to help you start thinking straight because you have to get your head together if you're going to find Dean." Dean replied and it wasn't a lie because if Sam never believed he was real than "Dean" would stay lost forever even though "real" Dean was really here now and he'd never willfully leave Sam's side again...

Sam sighed, ran his fingers through his hair and started to pace then he looked at Dean and said "I guess I'm seeing this part of myself as Dean because these are things I know I need to say to him but I just don't want to burden him with?" in an inquisitive tone.

Dean only nodded in response and Sam continued with: " Okay, that makes sense. I think." then he let out a heavy breath and said " Okay..Here it goes..."

"I've been seeing my mom and my dad and they keep telling me it's my fault they're dead, that if I'd never been born they both could be alive and happy right now and that it's my fault Dean was robbed of his mother, his father and his childhood. Dad tells me that I was never good enough to be his son and that's one of the reasons why he hates me.."

"I've also been seeing different variations of Dean. A Dean that tells me it's my fault he died and went to hell, another Dean that has black eyes that blames me for becoming a demon, a Dean that tells me I don't deserve him and I know he's right because I've never been a good enough brother to Dean."

"I sometimes see Adam and he blames me for being in Hell now cause I pulled him into The Cage with me."

"I sometimes see Cas and he calls me an abomination."

"Mom, dad, Dean, Adam, Cas, they all tell me I'm evil and that I deserve Hell, that I don't deserve to get out of The Cage."

Sam now curled up in the corner again muttering "I'm evil, I'm evil, I'm evil." over and over again and nothing Dean did for the rest of the day could bring Sam out of it.

As the sun began to set Dean sat in the floor, hoping the contact didn't send Sam over the edge again he brought the still distraught Sam to his chest and carded a hand through his brother's hair and whispered "Try to rest now Sammy." then he began to sing "Hey Jude, don't make her cry. Take a sad song and make it better."...

Dean kept singing until Sam finally stilled in his embrace only an hour before the sun rose again.

After Sam fell asleep Dean curled up around his little brother and allowed himself to rest as well.


End file.
